I just found out that my stupidity somehow saved my life. But now that i know, i just got a little bit more scary
I know its delusional, but i felt like im just spinning around in my sadness and not getting off it, because somehow in my little broken heart felt that its the only connecting strip that i can reach you in my sub conscience. Im afraid to accept that im already fine and complete through Jesus Christ, because i might stop thinking about you, i might forget you.
I hate who i am without you, but i know you hate yourself more with me.
Found myself sitting at the corner of my bed for an hour, thinking, day dreaming and getting mad.
Found myself taking a shower, just standing, letting the water poured to my skin but not feeling anything only my nails harrowing deep in my arms, my face, my legs, my stomach and my soul.