When it lingers

I have lost the love of my life twice back in 2006 and 2009. Even its been so long the pain keeps on lingering. It will linger when you feel so helpless, you will feel it when your whole life with them it the best moment of your life, your tears will pour when you miss their smile and voice, and you will tear apart when you find yourself so depressed because they are the only person who you want to be proud of you.

I was looking at the old photos of my grandparents, because im going to print it for my store. The store was my grandparents, and im turning it into a small food/ cake hub. I was just scrolling and saving pictures until a drop of tear fell on my lap. And it burst. I have two kids and i love them, but i dont  think i ever love a person more than i love my grandparents. They were my parents while my mom and dad live somewhere far with my brother. I keep on telling myself before when they were alive that, “its better for me to die, than seeing my Lolo and lola pass away because i dont i can take it”. But i did faced the inevitable, and it broke myself completely. Of course, i live my life, i smiled, laughed and i became happy and i thought some of the time, that somehow i can take it. But still you will mourn for your true love forever. I just miss them so much. i hope they are just here to see me keep on standing despite my failures. i hope to share my  crazy ideas to success. i hope for them to see how i became a mother to my kids. I hope to become them as a mother and father. as a family.

Its just painful, til i see you again.

My kid actions hit the “past me” in the booty

Ever heard a phrase from your parents that goes ” you will know what i meant, when you have your own baby”, when they cant figure out what to do with you.

My 9 years old son tantrum and complain everyday, with everything.  Before it was cute, but the older he gets the annoying it become. He is the quite type of kid, when angry or disappointed, he will just stare at you (frowning) and shuts up. They say that its better to have a cry baby than having a kid that loves to play silent treatment.

Honestly, most of the time i don’t know how to deal with him. But being more HONEST, i know. Because that was me, many years ago (too lazy to count back the years :P ). Every time, my son makes his game of tantrum, i think back why i tantrum before. Just to know and understand my sons emotion and to how to fix it. Mostly, its all about attention (like me before) and sometimes trust. But whenever i cant figure it out, 2 things pops on my mind ” Now you know what your parents is talking about” and “Damn, i was such a headache before!”  🙂

The advantage of knowing what you and your parents parenting before is that you can learn from it. I live with my grandparent when i was a kid, they are very strict with everything but super generous on rewards (ONLY WHEN YOUR GOOD)! Whenever i tantrum, the initial reaction is to scold and when i done something really bad i get hit (YUP they do that before, and its all good, thinking back how bratty i was). But one thing i don’t remember them teaching me how to say sorry for what i have done. I wanted to say sorry whenever im being bratty, but after i got scolded or hit, everything is back to normal again and it seems unnecessary already.

 

So every time my son realize what he is doing was wrong and so annoying (after scolding, and mini argument) , i give him a privilege to say sorry to me. Usually i also play silent treatment until he is sorry (HAHAHA!). I also apologize to him from getting mad, and the important thing is to say verbally that you accepted his apology.

How do you deal with your kids tantrum?

 

A Slice of a cake, is a slice of Good Memories

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My grandmother, relaxing in a sweet afternoon.

I grew up with my grandparents, as long as i can remember. I consider my lolo and lola as my real parents, because they’re the one that took care or me since i was a child. They pour me with love, toys, lots of sermon and a cake recipe that stuck on my heart like an arrow from a cupid.

My grandmother loves to cook and bake. She sell 2 kinds of cake (or maybe that’s her best seller), banana cake and Chiffon cake. I used to watch her bake, seeing her sifting flour, beating white eggs, pouring batter in a pan. I love that memory so much, as if it was yesterday that i was sneaking around the kitchen so i can deep my fingers in a bowl of meringue. Lola used to tell me that “raw meringue can give you gas”. And i think she is right, because that’s the only logic explanation why im so gassy :))))

This cake is so connected with my grandmothers name, neighbor calls it “Manang inday’s cake”. And im making a buck out of it now 🙂

Another memory in this cake was my bonding moment with my lolo (grandfather), scraping the crumbs of the cake from the pan. Now me and my lil bro doing it!

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This is more than a cake to me because  its mixed inside with memories and as you slice it, all of your yesterday comes out. So i hope you can also put a good memories inside this cake too 🙂

LEMON CHIFFON CAKE

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2  1/4     cups         All purpose Flour

1               tbsp          Baking powder

1/2          tsp             Salt

1              cup             Sugar

1/2         cup             Oil

3/4        cup             water

7             pcs              Egg yolks

1              tsp              Lemon extract / Fresh lemon juice

1              cup             Egg whites ( from the 7 eggs)

1/2         cup             Sugar

1/2          tsp              Cream of Tartar

DIRECTION

PREHEAT oven 325F

1.) Combine all DRY ingredient and SIFT 3X in a bowl, set aside. – This is IMPORTANT, it will give the cake a fine texture

2.) Combine all LIQUID ingredients in a separate bowl, and add DRY mixture to it, set aside.

3.) In a mixing bowl, put egg whites and beat in a MEDIUM speed til its frothy. Add Cream of tartar and Sugar gradually to the meringue, then change speed to HIGH til its STIFF PEAK.

4.) Add a 1/2 cup of meringue to the batter and mix til it loosen a little.

5.) Then FOLD the rest of meringue GRADUALLY into the batter. AVOID DEFLATING the batter as you FOLD!

6.) Pour batter to a tube pan, and bake for 45mins til toothpick inserted and nothing comes out.

7.) Let it cool completely before serving 🙂

~HAVE A PIECE OF CAKE!