I’m not sure if my faith is making me blind. and having this thought, that makes me want to question my own faith with God. Not that I’m losing belief. But rather, I’m scared of having too much of it is making me blind to reasons. I have a BIG problem, that I cannot solve on my own. But I’m not worried because I know God will give me breakthrough.And I have a strong faith that he will help me, like how he helped me Everytime. I’m worried, for not worrying. Time already passed I should have delt with my problem, still I don’t have any solutions. I’m still waiting for God. I know God don’t answer, the way we want him to answer and I know we must act too. But still no answer. I’m just scared to face that there is no answer to it, because I’m not the only person who is going to be affected with problem but my two sons. Lord please answer me.
GOD did gave the 1HOUR i prayed today 🙂 AMaYYYYYzhiiing!!!!
I was hesitant to go to makati this morning for a 4pm final interview, because ive got tons to bake, i don’t feel like going out, and having second thought of getting that job. BUT i know and something inside me is telling that i need to. Yes i have to, because i have two kids to raise and i cant rely on my mom and the baking alone. The business is doing good, it pays the necessities but no extra for insurance, leisure and emergency. And need to save up for Blake’s school 2 years from now… (OH NO!!!)
I did experienced working, no weekends, no bonding days with my kid, no church and the NIGHT and SLEEPING are my best friend. Its a wasted time and life for me. Thinking back, i rather spent it with my kids and bake happily! But then i cant be selfish with my kids future. So i prayed about it, because i know my life is with God’s hands now. I know God already have laid out His good plan for me (best plan rather!).
I’ve been dealing with this dilemma for about a week now, after finishing the 2nd interview. I didnt look for this job, it just called me, so i figure “what the heck, let me just dip to it”. Since everything is going smoothly with the company, it panics me. I fear that im going to leave my BED, my easy going life, my kids, my care free decision at home, my movie marathon whenever i want (TAMAD LANG!) But honestly, i fear to go out because i fear that i might go back and love being independent, going out at night, being irresponsible and spend money as if i don’t have any obligation. I fear to be who i was before.
So i prayed about it many times and the answer is always:
“Do not love sleep or you will grow poor, stay awake and you will have food to spare” (proverbs 20:13)
” A sluggard does not plow in season: So at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.” ( Proverbs 20:4)
Yah, i know God is telling me quit being so LAZY! 🙂 i admit it, i love taking a nap/sleep and just do whatever in my own time…
I kept on thinking what does God want me to do, and i kept on searching in my heart how to figure things out. SHOULD I get a job or SHOULD i bake full time?
and yesterday i came across with this:
“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean on not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)
I realize its not for me to understand everything but just TRUST in His way. Because whatever God’s will is good and right, not jut for me but for my family.
This morning, i woke up still waiting for an answer, IS THIS JOB RIGHT FOR ME, AM I READY?. i waited til i finished my errands and bake til 2:30pm (two cake still in the oven). I prayed again. And this time i got my answer. “STOP BEING SELFISH! GO NOW!” it was clear and i know it was God through the Holy Spirit. (NOPE, its not like a movie where there is a creepy voice.) So i took a bath, changed to corporate attire, explain and ask my helper to take the cake when its done (while combing my hair and putting some gloss) and check the time it was quarter to 3pm. (YEP girls can take a bath that fast too!).
BiTeeDub…Makati is a 45mins drive WITHOUT a traffic! but its weekdays and FRIDAY means TRAFFIC. so i need at least another hour to make it to makati driving.
i prayed again. This time for 1 hour free time. maybe 1 hour zoom to make it to 4pm in the venue, or make the HR manager to be late an hour.. prayed that for me to make it by 4pm.
Amazingly, the traffic wasn’t so bad going to makati, it was just enough for me to be outside the building in exact 4pm! But the problem is, i dont have anywhere to park the freaking car. Drove around for 20mins just to look for a parking space. SO IM 20MINS LATE! Went up to the building and look for the HR manager. The assistant told me, “MAM, im sorry can you wait, the manager is on a meeting!” and i replied with glittering of happiness in my two eyes ”SURE NO PROBLEM.” Waited for exact 40mins!
WOW!!!!!! God answered my prayer! God gave me the 1 hour free time to make it to the interview. i should have asked for atleast 30mins though 😛 hehehehe..
Anyway, God is faithful! Despite of my worries, he is there. Despite of my Doubt, he proves. Despite of my fear, he calms me. I realize i will not go back to who i was, because I DIED. Was ME, died with Christ already.
“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:3)
And now Im New again, with Christ. Jesus did not payed his own blood for nothing and im so greatful for the FORGIVENESS and especial for the SALVATION. I prayed that in any situation i will remember what he did. So whatever hang on my mind I KNOW EVERYTHING WILL BE OK and WILL be RIGHT because God’s Grace and Love is unending.
I have to wait til monday next week for the result of my evaluation. I will just leave it to God. So no worries for me if i get in or not. 🙂
– Going home, i hold my pee for more than an hour diving (FIRST TIME) it was crazy painful!!!! 🙂
– Went to the nearest Mcdonalds available to release liquid, and buy dinner.. Forgot to turn off my headlight as i park. it was on for 15mins inside the parking lot.
– went to parking and turn off the headlight. took a quick bite with the burger and fries (means half of everything) and drove away
– 2mins later the traffic enforcer stopped me. At first i thought maybe it was because i was eating inside the car or there are fries inside my mouth saying hello! :)But it was just i forgot to turn the headlights again and it was 8pm already.