My late thank you!

Its more than a month since my big problem deceased, and even i already told my full gratitude to the people who helped me; i feel like its not enough and i need to write a blog about it. Ranting about problems online is a great way of a release but giving thanks is way better.

Before anything else,

 THANK YOU. 

I know im not worthy of saving, but God still gave his mercy to me through Jesus Christ out of love. I never could have imagine that there are real people will also helped me and of course like Christ its out of love. I tried begging for help, tried alot of gimmicks to have a solution and prayed every single second for answers. i got so depressed, that my body just wanted to sleep all day; thinking my brains out for solution and hiding from shame. It was painful, mentally painful. the worst is that you have to act and be normal for your kids and family, not knowing you’re caryying a timebomb. Im ashamed really, but being too grateful for the love erases all the worries. Again, 

Thank you.

Thank you for constantly loving me. For accepting my many shortcomings and always believing that i can get up everytime i fall down. You keep on saying you are proud of me. But im more proud of you guys for loving alot of people like Christ. For choosing to love than shaming or not doing anything at all. I know im not the only one you have helped, though i know im the worst (no pun intended :p ) I love you Ate Mookee and Ate tibong. Again,

Thank you.

You are Silently Screaming in me

You listen when im silent
You understand when im lost
You see when im hiding
You believe in me when i lost control
You waited when im in the dark
You speak when im deaf
You hug me when im confused
You answer even im not asking
You keep me safe when in too happy
You screamed when im blinded
You fight for me whenever im claimed
You provide when im in need
You run whenever i fall

Nothing i can do for you to stop
Nothing i can do to give back
Nothing i can do to pay back
Nothing i can do to out love

Only to accept and believe in you is my effort for all these.

Thank you for knowing me better than myself.

I have an Awesome Lord, Jesus Christ.

ANSWERED PRAYER – 1 hour free time

GOD did gave the 1HOUR i prayed today 🙂 AMaYYYYYzhiiing!!!!

I was hesitant to go to makati this morning for a 4pm final interview,  because ive got tons to bake, i don’t feel like going out, and having second thought of getting that job.  BUT i know and something inside me is telling  that i need to. Yes i have to, because i have two kids to raise and i cant rely on my mom and the baking alone. The business is doing good, it pays the necessities but no extra for insurance, leisure and emergency. And need to save up for Blake’s school 2 years from now… (OH NO!!!)

I did experienced working, no weekends, no bonding days with my kid, no church and the NIGHT and SLEEPING are my best friend. Its a wasted time and life for me. Thinking back, i rather spent it with my kids and bake happily! But then i cant be selfish with my kids future. So i prayed about it, because i know my life is with God’s hands now. I know God already have laid out His good plan for me (best plan rather!).

I’ve been dealing with this dilemma for about a week now, after finishing the 2nd interview. I didnt look for this job, it just called me, so i figure “what the heck, let me just dip to it”. Since everything is going smoothly with the company, it panics me. I fear that im going to leave my BED, my easy going life, my kids, my care free decision at home, my movie marathon whenever i want (TAMAD LANG!) But honestly, i fear to go out because i fear that i might go back and love being independent, going out at night, being irresponsible and spend money as if i don’t have any obligation.  I fear to be who i was before.

So i prayed about it many times and the answer is always:

“Do not love sleep or you will grow poor, stay awake and you will have food to spare” (proverbs 20:13)

” A sluggard does not plow in season: So at harvest time he looks but finds nothing.” ( Proverbs 20:4)

Yah, i know God is telling me quit being so LAZY! 🙂 i admit it, i love taking a nap/sleep and just do whatever in my own time…

I kept on thinking what does God want me to do, and i kept on searching in my heart how to figure things out. SHOULD I get a job or SHOULD i bake full time?

and yesterday i came across with this:

“Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean on not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. (Proverbs 3:5-6)

I realize its not for me to understand everything but just TRUST in His way. Because whatever God’s will is good and right, not jut for me but for my family.

This morning, i woke up still waiting for an answer, IS THIS JOB RIGHT FOR ME, AM I READY?. i waited til i finished my errands and bake til 2:30pm (two cake still in the oven). I prayed again. And this time i got my answer. “STOP BEING SELFISH! GO NOW!” it was clear and i know it was God through the Holy Spirit. (NOPE, its not like a movie where there is a creepy voice.) So i took a bath, changed to corporate attire, explain and ask my helper to take the cake when its done (while combing my hair and putting some gloss) and check the time it was quarter to 3pm. (YEP girls can take a bath that fast too!).

BiTeeDub…Makati is a 45mins drive WITHOUT a traffic!  but its weekdays and FRIDAY means TRAFFIC.  so i need at least another hour to make it to makati driving.

i prayed again. This time for 1 hour free time. maybe 1 hour zoom to make it to 4pm in the venue, or make the HR manager to be late an hour.. prayed that for me to make it by 4pm.

Amazingly, the traffic wasn’t so bad going to makati, it was just enough for me to be outside the building in exact 4pm! But the problem is, i dont have anywhere to park the freaking car. Drove around for 20mins just to look for a parking space. SO IM 20MINS LATE! Went up to the building and look for the HR manager. The assistant told me, “MAM, im sorry can you wait, the manager is on a meeting!” and i replied with glittering of happiness in my two eyes ”SURE NO PROBLEM.” Waited for exact 40mins!

WOW!!!!!! God answered my prayer! God gave me the 1 hour free time to make it to the interview. i should have asked for atleast 30mins though 😛 hehehehe..

Anyway, God is faithful! Despite of my worries, he is there. Despite of my Doubt, he proves. Despite of my fear, he calms me. I realize i will not go back to who i was, because I DIED. Was ME, died with Christ already.

“For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God.” (Colossians 3:3)

And now Im New again, with Christ.  Jesus did not payed his own blood for nothing and im so greatful for the FORGIVENESS and especial for the SALVATION. I prayed that in any situation i will remember what he did. So whatever hang on my mind I KNOW EVERYTHING WILL BE OK and WILL be RIGHT because God’s Grace and Love is unending.

I have to wait til monday next week  for the result of my evaluation. I will just leave it to God. So no worries for me if i get in or not. 🙂

BLOPPERS moments:

– Going home, i hold my pee for more than an hour diving (FIRST TIME) it was crazy painful!!!! 🙂

– Went to the nearest Mcdonalds available to release liquid, and buy dinner.. Forgot to turn off my headlight as i park. it was on for 15mins inside the parking lot.

– went to parking and turn off the headlight. took a quick bite with the burger and fries (means half of everything) and drove away

– 2mins later the traffic enforcer stopped me. At first i thought maybe it was because i  was eating inside the car or there are fries inside my mouth saying hello! :)But it was just i forgot to turn the headlights again and  it was 8pm already.